A Few Steps Forward, A Lot of Steps Back!

This almost seems like a way of life. I get started, feel a good pace, then some great wind comes along and blows me further back than where I began. Do you ever feel that way? I am realizing that no matter how much I think I can do, I really am at the mercy of being human. There in lies the problem, self. I don't care how great a person you are, your self usually is the one that gets you into trouble. I'm glad, in one respect, to realize this and be able to recognize it when it begins to happen. Now, I don't always catch it right away. Sometimes I really make an a%# out of myself before I can get a clear picture of what is happening. I typically feel remorse and frustration. I'm not too good to get down right angry and stupid. Maybe I'm headed in the right direction knowing these things. But, why do I find myself doing this over and over again? Back to self. Is there ever going to be a solution to this? I doubt it. I recognize that I am fallen. I also know that I am not my own anymore either. I find it best to stop trying to be in charge. I really don't have anymore control than the next guy. I do know the one who is in control and as I read it, has it all figured out for me. All I am asked to do is blindly trust and willingly obey. Sound like too much? As I see it, I don't really see at all, I make choices and decisions which I feel are directly related to whether or not I'm listening to self or the Spirit. I hope each day that I deny my self enough to allow the Spirit to lead my mind and soul to be the person God, Himself intended me to be. And in those moments, which usually turn into days, when I am only thinking of myself and my wants I'll begin to get back. I'll begin today, then tomorrow and the next day by doing those things that I know are more than about me. Another step forward towards something beyond me. I think doing so is more than a step, it's reaching out in faith and that is the step I'm willing to take.